Where is She?
by MakorraLove97
Summary: Alistair stands outside the Royal Palace anxiously, waiting for his beloved wife to return from her journey. It's been months since he's seen her and with being King, he couldn't accompany her with her latest adventure. When the soldiers return, he sees everyone, but her, and he could tell something's wrong. He goes to Oghren, who was with her, and finally asks, "Where is Elissa?"


**Hi everyone, here's a _Dragon Age_ one-shot I wrote after playing _Awakening_; I really hope it's good, haha. xD I hope the characters aren't out of character and you enjoy the story! I hope you like it and thank you for reading! :)**

**And thank you _LadyGreyBergamot_, Kristin (my absolute best friend and who writes _amazing_ Dragon Age stories that you all should definitely check out!), for helping me with the story and the title. ^_^**

_**Please comment/review and let me know what you think of it, I would greatly appreciate it, thanks! :)**_

**I OWN NOTHING; I DO NOT OWN DRAGON AGE.**

* * *

"_Where is She?_"

**. . .**

Thunder roars throughout the grey sky as lightning brightens the dark, gloomy sky with a piercing flash. Rain pours down from the thick, black clouds; the raindrops coming down like knives as they slam onto the Earth's surface. The harsh winds pass through, mixing in with the rain, creating a storm that nobody could avoid, but there was no threat. Simply a regular storm that has wiped all smiles off the citizens of Ferelden- all citizens, except for one man in particular.

Standing in the pouring rain, grinning from ear to ear, in front of the Royal Palace, King Alistair stands there, waiting. He doesn't have a care in the world as the rain drenches him and the lightning lashes out around him. He listens to the thunder that roars above the dark clouds, but he doesn't care. No, the only thing that the King of Ferelden cares about at this moment is seeing the woman he has been waiting to see for months now.

Literally, his heart has been breaking into tiny pieces, becoming lost as each day passes by that he didn't get to see his wife. It has been months since he last seen her at the Vigil's Keep, after it was attacked and he arrived with his troops. They barely talked, only for a few moments, but they had no time alone and all he had the chance to do was kiss her on the cheek.

A sigh escapes his lips as he waits patiently - and anxiously - for his wife and the rest of her troops and team. He was told they would be finally coming back tonight, since they finally finished their quests and took care of the threat. No one really told him what was going on, just the fact that they would be fighting Darkspawn… without him.

He hated how he couldn't join the adventure with her. He wanted to, but sadly, he couldn't. Now he waits outside in the cold rain, waiting for his eyes to land on the familiar face of his friends- of his wife.

People called out to him, telling him to go and wait inside, but he refused. He wanted to be the first to see them, even it was miles away. He couldn't wait and no one was going to force him in leaving the spot he planted himself in.

His heart pounds in his chest once he sees in the distance people marching his way. His grin is still plastered on his face as he watches soldiers, who are lined up, make their way towards the Royal Palace. He waits, practically jumping up and down as they near. His eyes scan the crowd of soldiers as he looks for his friends and wife, but he doesn't see them.

Alistair sighs as he waits a few more moments before they finally arrive in front of the large palace. He smiles at the troops, but his attention quickly drifts away as he continues his search for the familiar faces. He greets everyone with a charming, friendly smile, and tells them to go inside to escape the rain that they have been traveling through for quite some time now.

The King squeezes through the soldiers and has to squint his eyes to see through the rain. Alas, his eyes finally, after so long, land on- Oghren? His eyebrows furrow together as he looks down at the Dwarf, "Oghren?"

Oghren turns his head up at Alistair with a forced smile, it seems. "Why lookie here, Ferelden's King. Haven't seen you in ages, isn't that right?" He has to shout over the thunder's roaring sounds that echo throughout all of Ferelden.

"Yes, it has been forever it seems." Alistair grins, "I missed you though, Oghren, even if you are a pain in the ass."

Oghren goes to make a comment back, but Anders, who was standing silently behind the Dwarf, cuts into the conversation with a small smile, "King Alistair, it is nice to see you once again and I know there is much you probably would like to catch up on… but, well, do you mind if we take this somewhere else? Perhaps… inside, you know, out of the pouring, cold rain?"

Alistair doesn't look him in the eyes, considering he is still scanning the area for one person in particular, but he nods his head. He's distracted by her absence. "Y… yes, of course." He shakes his head and finally looks at Anders with a small, forced smile, "Yes, let's go inside."

The three of them walked inside the Palace in complete silence; even Oghren was being unusually quiet. Deep down, Alistair could feel something was wrong, especially with the fact that his wife isn't here with them, but he waits until they are behind closed doors to start shooting with questions.

They walk into throne room, just the three of them; no one else. While they made their way to the throne room Alistair told his guards he wants no one to interrupt them unless it was highly important or if it was the Queen. As they entered, Alistair turns around, once the doors shut behind them, and his eyes immediately stare down at the Dwarf.

Before he could say anything, he beats him to it, "I hope you still have some tasty drinks here. I've been dying for a nice, long chug of some fancy alcohol." He is grinning, but his voice is flat- something is indeed wrong; it's written all over his - and Anders's - face.

"I think you drank it all the last time you were here." Alistair lightly jokes, but his face grows serious when Oghren looks away and Anders's eyes shift to the floor. "What are the two of you not telling me? What happened during your journey?" A burning lump forms in his throat as he asks his next question; fear sparkling in his dark eyes, "Where is Elissa?"

Alistair didn't miss the way Anders visibly winced at his wife's name or the way Oghren bites down on his bottom lip. The King of Ferelden clenches his fists as he feels the anger boil inside of them as they refuse to answer any of his questions. "Can one of you answer me?! What has happened?" His eyebrows are furrowed together as his voice echoes throughout the room. He doesn't usually get angry, but when it comes to his beloved wife, he gets protective and he worries; he also becomes highly impatient.

"You might wanna sit down…" Oghren begins, but Alistair simply shakes his head. He sighs and shrugs one shoulder, "As you wish, but you're going to wish you would have." He folds his arms across his chest, "It was an… interesting task we were set on accomplishing."

"You knew already about us going to fight some more Darkspawn, but this was something entirely different." Anders cuts in with a shake to the head.

So the two of them go into explaining, in quick details, their travels and what they did during the past months. They told him about the talking Darkspawn and about "The Mother" and their battles to protect the City and the Keep. Alistair listened patiently to the two of them, shocked at most of the things he heard; he listened at the details from the beginning until the very end- until the two of them grew completely silent when they described the battle with "The Mother".

"Sounds… scary." Alistair shudders at the image that comes to his head after them telling him about the Broodmother that was called "The Mother". One thing for sure, Alistair is absolutely _not_ a fan of Broodmothers.

"Yeah, you should have seen how many nipples that thing had! Oghren tries to joke as he shakes his head, "That Broodmother was certainly not something we were expecting. Nothin' like the last ones we fought."

"They just get bigger and uglier, don't they?" Anders asks with a raised eyebrow as a chill travels down his spine at the remembrance of the unique Broodmother.

"Indeed they do." Alistair mumbles and then he folds his arms across his chest, "Now, if I may, where exactly is my wife?" The two of them exchanged a look that Alistair couldn't read and he then lets out a frustrated sigh, "What? Is she off on another adventure without me instead of returning here first?"

"Not exactly…" The Mage quietly mutters under his breath and he looks away again. Alistair rolls his eyes and then turns to Oghren, seeing how Anders is surely not going to tell him. He raises an eyebrow at his old friend, which makes the Dwarf close his eyes and swallow hard.

If that didn't away that something was wrong- Alistair doesn't know what will.

"Elissa was the one to make the final strike against 'The Mother' that killed her. She took the killing strike." Oghren explains, but Alistair noticed the way Oghren said his wife's name very delicately. "She was some badass… you should have seen her. Hell, you thought she took down the Archdemon like a true Grey Warden? You should have seen her. She was raging with power, that's for sure. She killed 'The Mother's Children' practically with one hand! Those stupid creatures had me pinned to the floor and she surely saved me just in time."

"And me, too!" Anders quickly adds, but immediately grows quiet when Alistair and Oghren both give him a look with raised eyebrows. "What? She did. Twice. Well, actually more times than that. Er, continue on."

Oghren shakes his head and then looks up at Alistair with sympathy swimming in his eyes, "She pulled out a dagger and looked right up directly at the beast. Oh, she was determined to slice that thing's throat out. More of the thing's 'Children' came and the three of us tried to hold them back while Elissa went for the final strike. The thing is… that sodding thing beat her to it, in a way, I guess."

"What are you implying?" Alistair asks with a shaky voice, despite his efforts to remain strong. Here it comes… the dreading news that he has been hoping to avoid or just not receive at all.

"That thing knew what was coming to her so she desperately tried a last resort. It used one of its tentacles to grab Elissa's sword that she left on the floor when she went to pull out her dagger and attacked. The sword… it cut her entire front; it sliced her open. The adrenaline was pumping through her veins I guess and she still managed to jump up and slam her dagger right into 'The Mother's' mouth after slicing its throat." Oghren swallows hard as the memory plagues his mind, "The thing died instantly… Elissa on the other hand… she fell to the ground, still alive."

Alistair opens his mouth, but no words come out. He fights the tears that are threatening to spill over; he already knows what's next. He nods his head, signaling his friend to continue; he doesn't trust his voice anymore.

"We surrounded her and tried to give her some health potions and whatnot, but it wasn't working. Anders here tried some magic he knew, but she was bleeding out. There was blood everywhere; she was lying in a pool of her blood mixed with the blood that belonged to whatever creatures we slaughtered. She couldn't speak… she was slipping in and out of consciousness for a while. There was no way we would have been able to get her out and get help in time, so, we sat there with her. We talked to her and Anders still tried to perform some magic… but eventually… her body fell still. I closed her eyes when she passed and we covered her up… we were told soldiers would bring her body back here." By the time Oghren finished, his voice becomes shaky and he is fighting back his own tears.

"Before she passed, King Alistair," Anders adds in a quiet whisper, "she did manage to tell us something."

Alistair was staring at the floor when Anders said that. He can feel the hot tears spill down his cheeks as the devastating news sinks in. His wife is dead. She's gone and he didn't even get the chance to say goodbye or be with her. He slowly looks up, tearing his eyes away from floor to look up at the Mage. "W… what did s- she say?"

"He whispered your name and said something about a letter." He explains as his eyes shift from the Dwarf to the King and vice-versa. "We found a note folded in her boot with your name written on it. None of us opened it." He pulls out the note that was hidden away in his pocket and he hands it to Alistair with a shaky hand.

"She also had this with her, inside her armor." Oghren says as he pulls out of his armor a dead rose that still surprisingly had each petal. He hands it to Alistair with a sad smile, "I still remember when you gave this to her… you were some nervous wreck, that's for sure."

All the King could simply do is nod his head as his eyes remain glued to the note that rests in his hands. The three of them stand there in complete, dead silence until Alistair finds the courage to clear his throat, "I would like some alone time. If you will…" He nods his head, signaling for them to leave, which they understand immediately.

Before they leave, Oghren adds, "She also mentioned something else." He pauses as he tries to find the right words to say to explain the next, heartbreaking part, but no words would be able to make this unbearable news any better. "She... she mentioned something about a baby. I think…" He looks away, his voice trailing off, but Alistair understood what he was trying to say.

"We'll be… right out there, you know… if you, well, need us." Oghren says, unsure how to speak to Alistair who has been just handed news that is beyond devastating and heartbreaking.

Without another word, Oghren and Anders both turn and exit the throne room, shutting the large doors behind them. They leave Alistair alone, who simply stares at the letter in his hands. His eyes are staring at the letter with tears on the verge of leaking out; he is staring at his wife's perfect handwriting- staring at the way she wrote his name in perfect script.

_He was going to be a father._

He couldn't believe it.

_He was going to be a father. He was going to have a child with his wife- the woman he is in love with._

Not anymore.

Suddenly, the letter and rose drops out of Alistair's hands and his hands shoot upwards to grip at his short hair. He squeezes his eyes shut as he falls to his knees and a heart wrenching, piercing scream escapes passed his lips. His fist pounds against the floor repeatedly as he sobs loudly. His cries echo throughout the empty throne room; his cries mixing with the powerful thunder from the outside.

His tears fall onto the floor as his body shakes with various emotions- hate, agony, devastation, fear, lost, love, _pain_. He is in so much pain. He knows full well that the guards are standing outside of the doubled doors, but it doesn't matter. Nothing matters.

Alistair lost many people and things throughout his life, but this had to be the worst. He couldn't breathe; his yells finally grow silent when his voice betrays him and refuses to make any more noises.

He must have been screaming for a while because his throat burns as his head throbs in pain. He would rather fight a hundred more Archdemons than deal with this kind of lost.

He is _broken_.

Alistair's body trembles with every sob that escapes him as he prays for this not to be true. Anything, but this. They survived so much together and this is how it ends? This is how fate decides to tear them apart? Not only did the world rip the woman he loves away, but his unborn child as well?

The worst part of it all was that he wasn't there for her- for her _and_ their unborn _child_. He didn't have the chance to protect her- to have her back. They're supposed to be a team, partners, lovers, and when she needed him the most, he wasn't there. If he _really_ wanted to, he could have joined the adventure, but he couldn't, he knew he shouldn't join and he had duties to Ferelden as the King, but still. He should have been by her side and saved her. He should have been there for her finally words at least. He should have been the last person she saw before she fell into a forever lasting oblivion of death.

Alistair blinks away the tears and looks down at his bleeding knuckles- he has been punching the wooden floor for a while now as hard as he could. He sniffs as his eyes shift to look at the wrinkled letter laying a few inches from his hand.

He sucks in a deep, shaky breath as grabs the paper and slowly unfolds it. He sits on the floor as his eyes quickly scan over her perfect script handwriting, but before reading it, he looks down at the familiar rose that he gave her a while back during their first adventure.

Alistair picks it up gently and stares down at it, remembering the time perfectly when he gave it to her…

* * *

"_Here, look at this. Do you know what this is?" Alistair asked in a shaky voice as he held his hand out so she could get a better look._

_Elissa's eyes lower to his hand to see a beautiful, flawless rose. It looked absolutely beautiful and full of life. It was small, but perfect. Her emerald color eyes shifted up to stare deeply into his as she asked with a grin, "Is this your new weapon of choice?"_

_He chuckled; he always loved that most about her- her sense of humor. The two of them surely had that in common and he loved that. "Yes, that's right. Watch as I thrash our enemies with the mighty power of floral arrangements! Feel my thorns, Darkspawn! I will overpower you with my rosy scent!"_

_She laughed at him and he chuckled alongside her, until his face suddenly grew serious and a hint of embarrassment shined in his eyes, "Or, you know, it could just be a rose. I know that's pretty dull in comparison."_

"_You've been thumbing that rose for awhile, now." She whispered to him as her eyes went back and forth between his face and the red rose._

_He nodded his head, "I picked it in Lothering. I remember thinking, how could something so beautiful exist in a place with so much despair and ugliness? I probably should have left it alone, but I couldn't. The Darkspawn would come and their taint would just destroy it. So, I've had it ever since."_

_A soft smile graced her face as she said quietly in a gentle voice, "That's a nice sentiment."_

_Alistair looked absolutely nervous as he kept looking at the floor then back at her face with his cheeks slightly tinted a bright pink color. "I thought that I might… give it to you, actually. In a lot of ways, I think the same thing when I look at you."_

_She looked away from the perfection and beauty of the rose to stare up at his face with a look of shock. She bit down on her lip while a light blush crept its way onto her pale cheeks, "I don't know what to say."_

"_I guess it's a bit silly, isn't it?" He quickly said; he was beyond embarrassed. "I just thought, here I am doing all this complaining, and you haven't exactly been having a good time of it, yourself. You've had none of the good experience of being a Grey Warden since your Joining. Not a word of thanks or congratulations. It's all been death and fighting and tragedy."_

_Before she could comment, he rushed on as he placed the rose gently in her hand, "I thought maybe I could say something. Tell you what a rare and wonderful thing you are to find amidst all this… darkness."_

_She stared down at the small rose in her open palm before she looked up to see him waiting anxiously now for her reply. Elissa smiled warmly, "I feel the same way about you, Alistair. And thank you for the rose."_

_He let out a sigh of relief at her comforting words, "I'm glad you like it. Now, if we could move right on past this awkward and embarrassing stage and get right to the steamy bits, I'd appreciate it."_

_She grinned at him; just like him to try to humor things when he felt nervous. So, she went along with it, "Sounds good. Off with the armor then."_

_The two of them continued to talk and do some innocent flirting for the remaining of the night as they sat around the fire in their camp while the rest of their team was fast asleep in their tents, leaving them alone to spend some time together; their relationship continuing to grow and blossom, like a single, red rose._

* * *

He didn't even realize that he was crying again as he stares down at the now dead rose that holds so many emotions and memories. He is surprised she still had it with her- he didn't know she carried it with her during her adventures.

He would make sure, with all his power, that he would make sure she is never forgotten. She risked her life- no, she _lost_ her life, to protect the world and to stop the Darkspawn. He will make sure although she is gone... she will not be forgotten. She is a hero; she was _his_ hero.

Alistair looks back at the letter and wipes his forever-lasting tears away as he unfolds the letter once more to begin reading it. He takes a deep breath and reads the letter from his beloved aloud to the silent, empty room:

_-Alistair,_

_If you are reading this, I will assume I am already dead. If you so happened to find this before my death… forget what you just read and pretend you never saw it. I wrote this to you in case the time has ever come when fate took me away from you. Whether it was from falling and snapping my neck, from a Darkspawn, or even from old age, if I am taken from you before you pass, this letter is for you. Alistair, what you must know before anything else, I love you. From the moment I met you and throughout our adventure together I grew attached to you. You were so funny and kind… you had and still have such a big, warm heart. I love that about you. You're a good man and… and I want you to be happy. I do not know what happened to me, but I want you to move on and live your life as King -you are going to be king whether you like it or not. I do not know why I wrote this to be utterly honest, but being a Grey Warden you never know what your future holds, do you? I wrote this before the Landsmeet, I am not sure how it will play out except for the fact that I will be by your side regardless and I will make sure you get your rightful place as King of Ferelden. Just know, no matter what, whether we are together or not, I would do anything for you and I am always there with you, even if you cannot see me. If I am gone… live a happy life, marry a beautiful woman, and have children with her. Maybe you will even pass away before me so this letter is a waste of time, but if not, just know, I want you to be happy. I want you to continue smiling and I want you to know, I always have and always will, love you, Alistair- or should I say King Alistair?_

_I love you,_

_See you in the next lifetime, deal?_

_And when I see you in the next lifetime, bring another rose, will you? I love roses and the last one you found was absolutely beautiful._

_-Elissa Cousland_

Alistair reread the letter over a hundred times and he can practically hear her voice as he read every single word clearly. He closes his eyes as more tears spill down his cheeks; he drops the rose and letter on his lap, put his head in the palms of his hands, and for the remaining of the night and for many nights to come, he stays in the large, empty room, and cries over the lost of his wife and unborn child.


End file.
